so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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