you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
