Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
