By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
