Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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