What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize