I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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