I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
