Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
