if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
tell me about the fingering
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