im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize