My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
