my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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