I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
