I'm lost and stupid without you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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