shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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