considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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