So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
