i just had sex bonerless
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
