i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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