i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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