we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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