it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
