none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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