There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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