they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
