this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
