Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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