Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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