Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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