I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
