New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
