Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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