ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
