did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
