Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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