i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
