Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
