Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
