Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
