The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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