either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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