I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
