Don't make out with my wife yet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
