**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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