Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
