He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize