I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
