If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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