last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
