worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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