god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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