there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
