I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize