yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
