very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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