Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You took a bar mat shot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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