Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm at about main and main street
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
