there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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