Plan B is the new Plan A
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
