i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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