I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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