Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
