I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
